Hulk Hogan Needs to Stop Talking

Ever since he was unceremoniously dropped from WWE’s existence overnight for dropping a racial slur on a sex tape, Hulk Hogan has understandably launched into a whirlwind apology tour. This is a common practice for any public figure that does something ridiculously offensive and/or stupid. However, this is a poor excuse for an apology tour. Hogan has been making the rounds, but not quite accepting the blame. Or even accepting his penance.

Hogan Wrescking Ball

I need silly GIF’s to get me through this piece.

It started with a softball interview on Good Morning America with Amy Robach. Just go ahead and watch, if you dare.

Man. That’s just awful. If you don’t know, Hulk Hogan (real name Terry Bollea) is 62 years old. So growing up in his “rough part of town” would put him in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. I’m preeeeeeetty sure that a white kid in that time doesn’t get away with calling anyone that word. And I do enjoy how Hulk can both affirm and deny his racist nature on two different cameras.

Hogan Doll

The apology train keeps chugging along though! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON SPORTS ILLUSTRATED???!?!?!?!

Answer: read and feel uncomfortable afterwards.

In the interview with SI, Hogan continues making excuses for why he made racist shitbag comments. Ya know, excuses other than “I was a racist shitbag.” He was in an unhappy marriage and dealing with a son in prison, so he was super upset, yo. I still don’t see how being majorly stressed (because obviously both of those situations are intense and awful) means you get a pass for using racial slurs. When I get stressed, I don’t start disparaging Mexican Americans. Or shoot a sex tape with my buddy’s wife. (Celebrities are weird.)

For me, that’s not the worst part. When discussing his release from WWE, Hogan takes aim at Vince McMahon for not doing more to help him out.

Vince McMahon reaches out and helps people. If you’re a drug abuser or you abuse alcohol, Vince McMahon and the WWE reach out and help people. So what’s so uncommon about this was they took the symptoms, said, ‘Oh my god, there’s a symptom of being a racist,’ and threw me away. They usually go to the source.

…Hogan’s legitimately questioning McMahon here. The biggest superstar in the history of professional wrestling is caught spouting racial slurs on a SEX TAPE and he actually has the nerve to be upset when he’s fired. It’s like athletes and entertainers have NO IDEA how the real employee-employer relationship works. The WWE is now family-friendly entertainment. It’s been this way for a few years now, after they transitioned out of the bat-shit insane “Attitude Era.” Their top legend being a racist old man who gets videotaped doing the deed isn’t exactly good for their public image. Cutting ties with Hogan was the only way to respond to this situation, not coddling him with “racial sensitivity” training for something he said eight years ago. He’s so out of touch with what he’s done that his apology means almost nothing to me. You don’t have an addiction dude. Stone Cold, can you help me out here?

austin jackass

Hogan’s already petitioning for his reinstatement on this tour of sorrow, which is just unfathomable at this point. Look, I’m not naive. I assume I’ll see Hulk Hogan on WWE programming sometime in the next five years. That’s how this works. But Hogan, it’s been about ten minutes since we found out about your screw-up. Maybe you can just stop running your mouth and accept your punishment, which is very fitting for the crime. Saying you’re sorry to Good Morning America and Sports Illustrated doesn’t mean you’re off the hook, especially when you famously used to bullshit crowds for a living. Just go live and try to reconcile this chapter of your life with the totality of it. Stop lying to everyone.

And stop talking.