Thanks Washington Post, for freaking out the entire eastern seaboard.

Okay, you probably just freaked out the 38 people who saw Sharknado when it aired on Syfy. Anyways…

A five-foot-long dead shark was found at the doorstep of the Sea Dog Brew Pub on Nantucket island. Here’s the photographic proof, taken by owner Jimmy Agnew.

Yeah, ’cause that’s not a sign of the impending apocalypse or anything. It’s clearly a young super-shark, like we saw in the classic Syfy original, SuperShark. It must be bullet-proof and has the ability to walk on land. Quick, we need a tank with jointed legs and a bomb to shove in the shark’s mouth! (In this case, a small firework likely would have sufficed.)

What do we do now? Scrounge up all the canned goods and sandbags you can… and then sell them for $50 a pop. Capitalism baby!

And if all these shark references weren’t doing it for you, Shark Week starts this weekend on Discovery Channel. The finning has only begun!